The Things We Do For Our Children...


Have you ever gone to great lengths to make you child happy? I'm talking about ridiculous, crazy lengths to give them what they so adorably ask for. Or maybe sometimes, not so adorably ask for, but so you don't have to hear the whining or crying or screaming. I'm sure you have. I have. We are moms. It's what we do. My son is most definitely spoiled. It's not his fault. He is our only one, will always be our only one, and the first grandchild on both sides. When I say spoiled, I mean he has a great wardrobe and lots of toys. My first Moncler came at age 32. His...age two. He's not in charge. Mommy and Daddy are. He sleeps in his own bed. We don't give in to tantrums. The bath happens whether he wants it to or not. If he doesn't like what's for dinner, too bad.

The toy of the moment for him is anything he can push or pull on wheels. He is obsessed with his suitcase. He wheels it around the family room and plays airplane. He grocery shops at home with his shopping cart. He mows the imaginary grass inside our house with his green turtle lawnmower. Plastic golf clubs in their carry bag aren't for playing golf. They are for wheeling back and forth in the kitchen. You can often see him walking around the house, suitcase in one hand, lawnmower in other. If it has wheels, he loves it. He wants it. He needs to push or pull it.

The new toy on wheels this month? Well it's not exactly a toy. The blue bucket on wheels you can shop with at Lowes. It's all he talks about. The kid has a one track mind. Most kids ask to go to the toy store. He asks to go to Lowes to push the bucket on wheels. "Mommy and Daddy, can I have a bucket on wheels? Can I have one at my house? Please?" He asked so nicely. No screaming, whining, or crying. Just please. I'm so proud of your manners buddy.

So last weekend, my husband suggests we just steal one from our neighborhood Lowes. I look at him in disbelief, not because I'm above doing this, but because I know he would never actually steal it. I tell him so and he doesn't deny it. So of course, Mommy volunteers to do the stealing. The plan is set. We will go to Lowes, buy a few things we actually do need, and put them in the bucket that our son will be wheeling around the store. Once we pay for everything, we will wheel the bucket out to the car and I will discretely place it in the trunk.

There is just one problem. As my son and I wheel the bucket to the car, the check out lady stops us, informing us that buckets cannot be taken outside. They set off an alarm. Ugh, damn it! My perfect plan has been foiled. My son immediately realizes the bucket will not be his and he starts wailing. "IT'S MINE! I WANT IT! NOOOOO! IT'S MINE!" As I try to explain that we can't take it home with us and will find another one, I try to pry his hands off the handle. Um, the kid has a death grip! It takes both my husband and me a good five minutes to free the bucket from his hands. Cue everyone at Lowes staring.

And of course, as parents, we are determined to see this through. We promised him a bucket on wheels and a bucket on wheels he shall have. We find one on Amazon and order it. Two days later, no package but an email cancelling the order because it's out of stock. Fuck! We keep searching. These things are not easy to find. We find two options. Both require us to order at least six buckets on wheels for about $200. We look at each other and are totally considering it. It is the only thing our child has asked for in a while and he said please. We are proud of his good manners. We are proud we have been able to at least teach him that!

Finally, after more searching my husband finds one online at Staples. I tell him to overnight that shit! It will be here next week. Every time a package arrives, my son thinks it's for him. He gets so excited. Then so upset when he realizes it's another pair of shoes for Mommy. But don't worry buddy, good things come to those who wait.