My Two-Faced Toddler


Today was Matzahs with Moms at Mason's preschool. I know I know...awwwwww-how adorable-so cute! Yeah I thought so too. This was the first school event with mommy. I was excited. Mason was excited. He is very into his mommy lately. Everything is mommy. Even the new awesome phase we're in where he wakes up in the middle of the night every couple of days. He always cries out for mommy. Hey buddy, what abut daddy? Daddy really wants to wake up from a deep sleep at 3 a.m. and put you back to bed too. He told me, I swear! Anyway, I showed up at noon and Mason greeted me with the biggest smile and hug. My sweet boy led me to the circle for song time and sat in my lap. The teacher started her Passover themed puppet show and that was it. He was gone. Bye bye sweet Mason, the model citizen, hugger on the playground, avid follower of directions, lover of sharing, champion cleaner upper of toys, all around classroom helper, and sometimes shy Mason.

I don't know if this happens to you, but my child is a different kid when mommy is around. I was hopeful when he initially sat in my lap during circle time, but I should have known better. Immediately, he had to go potty (his teacher informed me he had just went only a few minutes ago). Then he needed a tissue (another mom passed us one.) That wasn't good enough. He needed to blow his nose in the mirror. Please keep in mind he has no idea how to blow his nose and usually just blows some air through his mouth as if about to spit. He returned to the circle only to spread out on his back in the center, while all of his classmates sat nicely in their moms' laps. Mason the master manipulator and attention whore had entered the building.

When the teacher asked the class if Pharaoh was a good king or a bad king, my child screamed, "GOOD!" When she asked who led the Jews out of Egypt he yelled, "ME!" Of course I was mortified, but all the other parents seemed to think it was cute so I let it go. I'm terrible in these situations. What do you do when your child is the only one acting out? I get embarrassed, as if other moms are going to think I'm this shitty parent who has no idea how to raise a respectful little human. But he is a respectful little human, just not when I'm around I guess.

I was able to reign Mason in for the actual matzah making portion of the hour. He concentrated on rolling out his dough and posed in his hat as you can see above. I'm so glad those were the moments his teacher captured on camera. And yes those adorable pictures have been posted on Facebook where you will like and comment about how precious my son is, how well-behaved he is being with his mommy, and what a professional dough roller he is.

Well, dough rolling was only cool for about five minutes. Off camera, rolling and hitting the flour on the table was way more fun. So we handed in our matzah and went to play. And by playing I mean walking over to each station and grabbing whatever toy his classmate was playing with. That sweet, innocent smile you see above? Yeah, that was after he ripped an airplane out of the hands of a boy he usually plays so nicely with. On most days, they spend the morning cooking fake pizza and eating together it in the play kitchen. On mommy day, he steals his toy and makes him cry.

If I'm being honest, I was thrilled when it was time to go home. I was over it. I'm happy I went and spent time with him at school. I just really really really wish he would act the same way for me as he does for every other adult he knows, even if it's just for a few minutes. I want to enjoy these moments rather than miss them because I'm too busy running around like a lunatic trying to get him to stay in the circle, participate, sing, share, and clean up, things he does seamlessly every other day of school. I want him to do those things with me!

Remember me? Your mommy, the person who got up with you in the middle of the night last night to read you more books so you could fall back to sleep. The person who made you breakfast and lunch this morning and dressed you and changed your diaper and wiped the shit from your ass. Please just once, sit in the effing circle with me, on my lap, and sing cute little songs about Judaism!