I recently attended a Design Your Life (DYL) Weekend with Handel Group in New York City. I went in thinking how easy it would be for me, that I would rock it, make it my bitch, if you will. I mean, I’m pretty evolved, aren’t I? I’ve battled and overcome a year of postpartum depression. As a result, I’ve found my identity, purpose, and a level of authenticity many people lack. I decided I was going to become a writer so I did-- and in under a year I have started a blog, grown a fairly decent-sized Facebook Community, been published on over ten online publications, and did a guest spot on my first radio show. I make time for self-care, self-growth, and I read tons of self-help books. According to Jen Sincero, I’m a bad-ass bitch! And on that first day, I still felt pretty bad-ass. I was already familiar with some of Handel Group’s method from attending Campowerment retreats where one of the experts is a Handel coach. I knew about the three voices in my head that prevent me from designing the life I dream of. The weather report that tells me I can’t lose the weight because it’s just too hard to do around the holidays because you know, latkes and donuts. The brat who convinces me I would rather go back to sleep after I drop my son off at preschool over going to a coffee shop to get my daily writing finished. And the chicken who is just too scared to want to do anything at all because what if the end result is failure or rejection?
And then day two happened and yeah, not so bad-ass anymore. I showed up still feeling pretty confident and in just under an hour’s time, I was knocked off my self-imposed pedestal. Did you know that each and every one of your personality traits comes from one of your parents? Even if you think there is no possible way a particular trait was inherited from your mom or dad, in some way or another, it was. I always believed that I was nothing like my parents, especially after how they conducted themselves during their long, dragged out, nasty divorce. That my own marriage has everything to do with my parents since I most likely chose my husband because he provides everything I never got from their relationship. That I couldn’t possibly be like my “avoid anything emotional and hard” father and my “it couldn’t possibly be me” mother. They say we all turn into our mothers eventually. I found that out when my cmy coach suggested I was playing the “innocent victim” card.
To say I was surprised by the coaches’ assessment of me would be an understatement. How could I possibly be an innocent victim with everything I had transformed into and everything I had accomplished in the past year? And then I thought more about everything I had been doing, or not doing in this case. I focus on certain areas of my life because I don’t want to deal with the ones that really need the work. Hello chicken because I’m obviously afraid of what the outcome of diving into those areas would mean.
Everything in my life that couldn’t possibly be my fault is actually on me. I’ve gained so much weight. Maybe I have a thyroid problem or insulin resistance. And who do you think told me to call the doctor about it? My mother of course. It couldn’t possibly be because I just need to put the fork down, could it? I don’t love the city I live in because it’s boring, but have I really tried to experience all it could offer? Not really. I could be having more sex, but do I ever initiate? Not so much. I want to be a best-selling author, but am I writing every day? I think you know the answer.
This might seem like very bad news, but it’s actually good news--because I have 100% control over all of it. Yes, I’m my story, my traits, the bullshit that my parents put me through, and the voices in the head that get in the way of the life I truly want, but it’s MY story and MY life. I can evolve my behaviors and choose the ending. I don’t have to live that story because I’m the author and I get to rewrite it. I hold the solutions to every one of the problems I want to fix in my life. And how empowering is that? To know that with the right tools, you can design everything--your relationship, career, body, and more. That was the most powerful take away from this weekend. That while I clearly have been playing the part of the innocent victim, I can make a choice to switch my role and become the “connected crusader” (my new nickname for myself that I received in the class) in every area of my life.
So what’s next? Hiring a coach and doing the work to become the woman I thought I already was when I first walked into the room on day one of the Design Your Life Weekend. Because it’s not that I’m not as bad-ass as I thought I was. It’s just that I’m just not as bad-ass as I thought I was, YET.
For more information, schedule a 30 Min Consultation to learn how Handel Group’s coaching programs and services could benefit you. And check out HG's new book, Maybe It’s You for a roadmap on how to cut the crap and design the life of your dreams. Pre-order TODAY.